Death by Golfcart

Part One: Golf (Cart) Mania

Note: No relation to reality

This is fiction… (think “Caddyshack“)

The professional had been retired for more than a decade. He had been on his own personal golf course for the previous twelve hours with various friends. Deeper in the night, it was just a business friend and he and he were on a drinking spree. No other drugs. Just various whiskys, ice, and soda water… don’t forget the bucket of lemons…

I doubt they paid the lemons much attention… But previously they had paid attention to several… ummm… female friends (who had since been sent away by Uber)…

The friend was an Italian guy from Queens… who made his fortune in women’s lingerie… He got out of the business and became an alchoholic… So the two were riding around the course in absolute insanity…

Part Two: Golf, Fun, and Stupidity

Around two am, the two began to set up a “ramp” where they could (in their brilliant minds) jump over a sandtrap… They knocked boards off a shed in the nearby woods, took a bunch of old cart tires stacked up next to it, and made a structure they were proud of… After they created theirmasterpiece, they lay (layed) on the green and drank from a bottle of rare Scotch whisky…

Part Three: The Jump

As you may recall, the individuals involved in this event (and they will remain nameless) constructed a ramp to “pass over” a sandtrap on a golf cart… i.e being airbourne and to land on the opposite side.

The event ocurred between three and four am on the date provided… And the attempt was successful…

Yet the cart was damaged… The left side of the vehicle was “out of whack”…

Both the professional and his colleage were not injured…

Their next idea was to procur another cart from the clubhouse… And so it was, and so they did…

Part Four: After the Jump

The two drunk men ambled to another cart on the lot. They selected.

They loaded their “supplies” (with a fresh cooler of ice and lemons) in search of new adventures across the eighteen holes and perhaps beyond…

Then something happened (to be continued)

And someone died

Bless the living

For the dead

need not the offerings

of this Earth…

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